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Chapter 1

A daughter, sister, aunt, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in law, friend, advocate, and partner in a reputable law firm; one could say Dineo had it all. She wore different hats, but there was one that she could not wear or rather a role she was struggling to occupy, which was that of ‘Mother’. Infertility was starting to affect her as she was now three years into her marriage to a successful businessman, Dumisani, affectionately known as Dumi. Dineo and Dumi had suffered a miscarriage in the previous month, and she was skeptical about trying to become pregnant again. She was afraid of going through the pain of losing yet another baby, and she could see that the miscarriage was also affecting her husband, who was trying his best to be strong for her.

On her way home from work one evening, Dineo called her mother-in-law from her car:

“Mom, can I come by to see you? Dumi is out of town on a business trip.”

“Yes ngwanaka (my child), you know that you are always welcome here,” her mother-in-law, MaThembi answered.

MaThembi, who was called by her first-born child’s name, as is customary in some African cultures, was a woman of faith and a pillar of strength for the whole family. When Dineo’s mother died a year after she got married, MaThembi was there to give her a shoulder to cry on, and ever since, MaThembi became Dineo’s go-to-person when life threw little curveballs her way. There is an unwritten custom, which is angst-ridden, that governs the mother in-law, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law relationships. I guess the term ‘law’ which clouds these relationships is what brings anxiety, worry, fear, or nervousness, and makes these relationships unpleasant. Usually, when a woman gets married, her family and friends become curious about her in-laws and will ask her questions like, ‘how is your mother in-law treating you?’ or ‘do you get along with your sisters in-law?’ and these questions are sometimes asked with the expectation of a negative answer. But Dineo could say with confidence that her mother-in-law had become her second mom, who loved her unconditionally and was a constant in her life. Their relationship was fundamentally driven by mutual respect, humility, and unconditional love. She often joked that her husband’s family were her in-loves not in-laws, because what brought them together was love and not the law.

Driving from her office in Sandton, she took the M1 North towards Midrand where MaThembi lived with her husband in a beautiful country estate. MaThembi, an ex-judge and her husband, a former CEO at one of the government parastatals, took early retirement and decided to build themselves a beautiful home and called it ‘Hae Kgotsong’, which loosely translated means ‘Home, where there is peace and tranquility’. They often explained with enthusiasm that they wanted their home to be a place where there is peace, harmony, love and tranquility, and the words were displayed in gold letters outside their gate. They had three children, Thembi, Sibusiso and Dumi, and 5 grandchildren, three from Sibusiso who was now living in Los Angeles, and two from Thembi, who was living in Cape Town. When Dineo got to the gate, she pressed the intercom, and Sarah, the helper, opened the gate when she saw Dineo’s car on the CCTV. As the big black corrugated iron gate slowly opened, her eyes fell on the name ‘Hae Kgotsong’ and instead of invoking peace and harmony in her heart, she felt anguish stir up her soul. Once the gate was open, she drove slowly along the driveway, which was lined with beautiful trees and roses in a well-manicured garden. The sun was slowly setting, and the sky was blue with no clouds in sight. The air coming through the window of her car was so fresh and the whole place echoed tranquility. The air helped to calm her down as she was feeling overwhelmed by the challenges that she was going through. She wondered whether she would ever feel this kind of peace in her heart and in her life. She parked the car in front of one of the garages and walked towards a huge door which Sarah opened and then ushered her in. Dineo greeted Sarah and she heard MaThembi call her to come to the kitchen.

As she walked towards the kitchen, there was an inviting aroma of a home-cooked meal and she could tell that MaThembi was doing what she loved most, cooking herb dumplings and oxtail for her husband. They had a chef, but when it came to dumpling and oxtail, she preferred to use her own recipe which she bragged about, as she had gotten it from her mother-in-law. MaThembi occasionally bragged that her mother-in-law was a good woman who passed the baton of being a Makoti in the Mthembu family to her and now she was doing the same with Dineo.

Dineo walked into the kitchen and MaThembi with open arms greeted her and said, “Welcome home ngwanaka.” The two women embraced each other. Dineo held on tight and did not let go and MaThembi could feel her shaking and could tell that she was sobbing. She held her by the hand and pulled her towards the lounge. In the lounge, MaThembi looked Dineo in the eyes and asked her what was wrong. Dineo just burst into tears and MaThembi pulled her into her arms.

“Dineo what’s wrong Ngwanaka?” MaThembi asked her again in an anxious voice.

With tears running down her beautiful fair skin, Dineo replied. “Mom, I’m tired! I cannot take it anymore.” She sat down on the couch.

MaThembi sat next to her and held her hand and asked her again. “Ngwanaka what’s wrong?”